dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
