I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
