There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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