I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
