Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
