Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize