Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
