Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
