I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My first STD was from a foam party
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
