his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
