I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
