This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
