i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
