At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
