Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
