he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
