So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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