I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
