I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
