Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
