I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this hospital has no fireball
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
