Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
