you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize