About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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