I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
