at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
