you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
