Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
