I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
