How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
