I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
