What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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