shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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