the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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