How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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