so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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