Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
