tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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