I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
