Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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