I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
