dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
