At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
