Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
