Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
