I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
