this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
