we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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