Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
