she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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