I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
