my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
