he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
