You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
