I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
