ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
