Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
