I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
