Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
