is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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