I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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