I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We're too hungover to prance.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
