we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
