First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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