This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
