Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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