and she was petting her beer can
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
