I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
