Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
