Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
