There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
